Abuse, trauma, and change have a major thing in common. They can all leave you with a loss of identity.
The abuse dynamic requires a form of brainwashing called gaslighting in order to get you close to the abuser so they can use you as “supply” for their own needs. Gaslighting is also ongoing throughout the abuse in order to keep you guessing about what’s really going on and also to keep you dependant on the abuser. Once you are outside of the dynamic, there is a period of not knowing what was even real. Did this person actually love me at all? If so, what did they love about me because everything they said turned out to be a lie? Who AM I without the abuser if my role was based within the relationship and our entire relationship was a lie?
When a traumatic event happens such as the loss of a loved one, a confronting diagnosis, a natural disaster, divorce or breakup, or even when children you’ve raised leave the nest, there is often a sense of before and after. You knew your role in the first life and you knew who you were, but now you are in a different life. You are still on this planet, yet your entire life is not the one you knew. How do you fit into this new life and who even are you when your old roles or ways of being are gone?
Changes happen in life, sometimes major ones. You may move to live in a new city or country, or you may have had a lifetime of moves. You may gain or lose weight and find yourself in a different body than before. You may lose a long-held job, or start a new business. And all of us have coped with life during a pandemic that ran long enough to alter our viewpoint in life. Any one of these changes affect how we see who we are.
We may see this period as a time of identity loss or disconnection from the self and feel as if we are ungrounded because who we are has become undefined. But there are tools, like gifts to us, that we can use to look deeply into our own souls so that we may stand firmly on the ground and move forward once again. One of them is art.
If you’re keen to learn more, check out my 7 week group coaching called Emerge
